This past weekend I partook in a Missourian tradition, the beloved float trip. I realize a lot of people outside the Midwest, or even some people in the Midwest (shout out to my Wisconsin-based family and their oblivion) don’t know what a float trip is. So allow me to inform you, it consists of renting a raft to float down the river in, and 99% of the time, extensive amounts of alcohol to drink whilst floating. Unlike with a car, or most transportation devices, a raft is one thing you can operate completely blackout drunk and it is perfectly acceptable and usually expected – it’s the Missouri way! I mean, the earliest inhabitants around these waters, even Tom Sawyer and “N-Word” Jim floated these same rivers probably under the influence of moonshine and extreme bigotry (unfortunately the latter still reigns pretty strong in some parts of this state).
Whereas floating was more of a means to get-around back in the heyday, it is now more of a means of floating into intoxication, population you. Fortunately, these campgrounds and floating spots are usually located in the boonies and therefore lack cell phone reception which nulls out the deadly potential of drunken person and cell phone syndrome. But if for some reason you REALLY feel the need to drunkenly text your lover, ex-boyfriend, third cousin twice removed or anyone else in your phonebook, I learned this handy-dandy trick over the weekend.
How to raise your phone reception in a dead zone:
- Step one: Take an empty cup devoid of liquids. I used a plastic solo cup.
- Step Two: Put your phone in aforementioned cup
- Step Three: Enjoy your extra one or two bars of service!
- Additional step for the more intoxicated: Don’t put your phone-filled cup next to your beer or soda filled cup, because at some point you will toss your phone in the wrong cup without looking. My advice for that is to attempt this tutorial.
I do admit that this tip is a double-edged sword. Why? Because most people tend to go on float trips for two reasons: 1) to get very drunk with their friends and family; 2) to escape the city and their lives if only for a weekend. It is harder to detach yourself from your daily routine and life then one would like it to, I learned this first-hand when I found myself quitting social media for a week. Is it really a vacation getaway if you stay in touch with all your daily stresses back home? But I will admit, not being able to tweet about some of the more-redneck happenings of my trip (such as a woman eight months pregnant smoking a cigarette), or being able to check weather.com on a whim (because later that night, less than 15 miles away a storm ripped through the area killing a woman) was very hard, but it humbles you into remembering that life isn’t always in sync with technology.